KINGS BLEED TOO

Dad has been sober from drugs for 27 years of his life. His son is 30 years old. My Superhero. My King. My idol; been imperfect, been in pain. He's been dealing with issues of loneliness, abandonment, self-worth, depression, and identity. Dad went on to have 4 sons. All 4 of them different, like the 3 different Mothers who birthed them. One of them, like his Father is, like his Mother is, was always into something. He sang in the church choir. He played the lead role in all the school plays, and always stood out whenever he had a ball in his hands.

He always kept a journal, just like his Mother. He was always writing/expressing his voice thru scribbled words only he could read. These days he still writes, as does his Mother. 30 years of pain. 30 years of joy. 30 years of tears. This is his story so far. Kings Bleed Too. Welcome to his fears.

Hard For Me To Smile

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From the door I showed you my scars
And I told you girl, "I won't lie". Know I'm not perfect. At my worst I was the best at being a fck boy. 

If we at war, then this is a war that I can't afford, no I can not. Forcing me to choose between showing you attention and getting my work done. Knowing I can't do both, I always chose you. The moment I didn't, you complained. punished me for it too. I guess that's how you show support.

I wanted more but that was before.
Lord knows I'm torn, so I cry. From the corner of my eye, baby girl,
It's been hard for me to smile. 

Lately, it's been hard for me to smile. So much familiarity in these tears. I pray they don't define the narrative of my career.