KINGS BLEED TOO

Dad has been sober from drugs for 27 years of his life. His son is 30 years old. My Superhero. My King. My idol; been imperfect, been in pain. He's been dealing with issues of loneliness, abandonment, self-worth, depression, and identity. Dad went on to have 4 sons. All 4 of them different, like the 3 different Mothers who birthed them. One of them, like his Father is, like his Mother is, was always into something. He sang in the church choir. He played the lead role in all the school plays, and always stood out whenever he had a ball in his hands.

He always kept a journal, just like his Mother. He was always writing/expressing his voice thru scribbled words only he could read. These days he still writes, as does his Mother. 30 years of pain. 30 years of joy. 30 years of tears. This is his story so far. Kings Bleed Too. Welcome to his fears.

POUR

POUR

 

 

 

There is something to be said about the notion of effort.  For many, myself included, we believe that the quality of our life, relationships, career and health are a result of the effort we put into them. If I love her with all my heart, we will live happily ever after. If I’m the first one in the office and the last one out every day, I’ll get that promotion.

If this logic was true then many of us would always get some rest whenever it was time to go to bed. We would get dressed in our pajamas, turn off the lights, lay down, close our eyes and go to sleep. We put in all the effort to prepare ourselves for rest, so in theory we should just end up in dreaming and enjoying some good old fashioned sleep. Too bad that’s seldom the case.

We POUR so much of our energy into effort. Trying to get someone to love us, trying to love someone, trying to make money, trying to find happiness, trying to help others. We pour so much into attempting to control our outcomes and achieve our goals that we lose sight of what is most important; the journey.  Take me for example.  I wake up every single day and pour my all into my company GOODWRK. If I am not working on building and running a successful business, I am pouring my all into the athletes and clients that I train.  When I’m not with them, I am likely pouring into my podcast. If I am not pouring into my podcast, I am pouring into my work as a journalist/copywriter. If I’m not doing that, I am pouring my all into fitness modeling at a casting near you.

Now before I go any further, think for a second. At any point above, did I ever mention pouring into myself? Pretty miserable right? I’ve tried my best to pinpoint the areas in my life in which I can improve things. And I often came to the conclusion that i needed to add more value to my life by having a role in others. Be their source of inspiration, be their source of love and great sex, be their source of support and knowledge, be their coach, be their mentor, be their fitness expert, be their lover, be their friend, be their workout buddy, be their therapist, be their media outlet, be their press coverage, be their editor, be their lover, be their friend.

Funny how pouring my all into these external spaces and people has left me feeling less, you know, poor.

Stay True To The Good