The bar that I set for myself just broke. My weight up, I guess the chinups I did gave me too much hope. It's like my confidence was so high, the bar snapped on me and I came crashing down. Like damn, is this what I worked for? I guess I got what I wanted, just to realize my new space isn't what I thought it would be.
All I ever hear is how I don't lookout for so & so enough. How I'm unavailable to people whose availability belonged to everyone but me. But things changed, and every time I look at my phone, your number pops up. Read receipts on, so you know I see it. But a response from me these days is about as common as Kanye's humility. I mean are you kidding me? I lost patience. I put it all on my blog because if I don't say it here, then I won't say nothin'. It's like my hands getting tired from holding all the grudges.
It's like between Joyce being sick and Chicken being down, i've lost patience. Too quick to snap at these fools for tweeting me crazy. Then I pause and realize that my life is amazing. I mean I just signed with ________, I gotta be doing something right. Them askmen.com articles gotta mean something, right? Wrong. It's never as good as it seems when you get what dreamed of. It's like my dreams came true, and now I don't ever sleep. Too busy working, wide awake to let my soul think. The other day I spazzed on one of my best friends. I guess I took the moment he created a little too far. Disrespected him, then ended up apologizing. It's kinda wild how this cycle keeps materializing. I come up just to be sat down. I guess the wins I gained got me losing my mind. I speak to Monet, Tracy, and Phylli when I can, to help me ease my mind. But Emilee is the only one who really gets me. But she's always with so and so and if she's not them i'm too busy. Can't really but too much faith in that relationship, things are to shifty. Plus Dominica would kill me if I ever got iffy. I mean we great and all, but things can always get wild. I just want to have confidence in my team, when it comes to developing our starting lineup. Be lucky to have 5 Jason Kidds if im being honest. But i'll settle for triplets since we're being honest.
Trying to pull it together, I know it seems like I got it made. But I don't. Hit up my boss to grab lunch the other day. He was in Thailand, so he had to pass. And all I could think about was how much the idea of asking someone else to spend time with me made me uncomfortable. I'm my own boss, but sure didn't feel like it. Taking directions from people that lack leadership. Trying to play a role that's not meant for them, like the Cavs after Lebron left.
But look at my 3 nephews and 2 nieces. That's what it's all about. Wish I was ready to create my own. Wish I trusted a woman enough to make some of our own. I mean I know what love is, I just don't trust like I should. It's like my thoughts too far ahead, in another world. I guess that's why I feel so alienated. Cant quite get with the current soundtrack of my life. Like the music just doesn't move me like it used to. I mean, I can dance, but I don't want to. Just don't feel like it, especially with you new "friends" of mine. You know, the ones pulp'n my fiction, listening to jazzy jeff soundtracks eating popeyes, mac & cheese awww pleeeease.
But anyway though, back to getting things in order. Hillary running for President, I have no choice but to support her. But after seeing 13th, I mean who can a Brotha trust? I rather stfu and get my money up. I rather talk to my parents, and hit up Roc and Tommy, scoop up Anwar and Donte, catch a vibe with Knox and get in trouble with C...nah I ain't trying to die bro. Still stacking up enough bail money in case you ain't know. I mean I'm a good dude, but someone my try and test me. I got a lot to lose, but people love flexin.
Easy got a wedding coming up in January. Him and Tracey been down since Reggie Miller played. Meanwhile me and my crooked smile, out here playing games taking my time in Half Marathons. It's like since my new job, I don't run enough. Kinda disappointed in myself.
Getting back to the things that made me who I am. Stay True To The Good, Percell. As best as you can